Twits, Gits, and Harry: Extended Edition
by Cranberry Cocktail
Summary: The same old Ginny antics you love, with new bits added in for extra flavor! This is a look at Ginny Weasley's diary like you've never seen it before! AU
1. Mad Mumblings

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter. If I did I'd be British, rich, and a hell of a lot older.

**A/N: **Good day! So, I went back and fiddled around and I'm A LOT happier with this version than the original! There's tons of new stuff, and some more little Ginny-isms that didn't exist the first time around. I've also decided NOT to adjust it to fit the timeline of Deathly Hallows. I realized that it would totally destroy the plot of the next couple of installments. Enjoy!

* * *

**AUGUST 3rd**

* * *

_11:47 am  
Kitchen_

Bloody wanker. Leaving me for sodding bits of rotting soul.

I LOATHE YOU HARRY POTTER!

* * *

_11: 52 am  
Kitchen…unfortunately_

You see, it's not that I'm mad or anything. Obviously.

It's just that I'm ALWAYS left out of all the good bits. Mum's always moaning about how _young_ I am. Well, I'll show her I have a tiny bit of maturity hidden somewhere in all of my amazingness.

* * *

_12:13 pm  
Kitchen….still_

There isn't much to do when you're on house arrest. Mum's making sure of that. Sure, I could be cleaning or I could help set up for the wedding, but what's the fun in that?

There's no fun, that's what.

I just need to find something to occupy my creative energy with.

Something that obviously shows my sophisticated side and all that other rubbish.

* * *

_12:19 pm  
Kitchen…honestly_

Sadly, Crookshanks has taken to rubbing himself against my leg. At the most inopportune moments.

Like the other day, when I was attempting to seduce "the prat who lived", Crookshanks meandered over and began to rub himself on my leg.

I thought it was very un-seducing like. To have a fat cat attached to your leg. Purring.

Out of Crookshanks and me, the cat got the most action that night.

* * *

_12:22 pm  
Kitty Purgatory…._

Speaking of that randy devil, he's just come 'round the corner. And is now eyeing my pant leg.

I wonder if Hermione lets Crookshanks get his dirty way with _her_ leg and several different pairs of_ her_ pants.

* * *

_1: 54 pm  
Bedroom_

Mum's not pleased.

I decided that Crookshanks, the horny feline, needed to be taught a proper lesson. Anything to help the less fortunate, right?

Well anyhoo, Mum blew a major fuse when she saw what I had done. She sent me to my room for the rest of the afternoon.

Bloody Hell.

* * *

_2:02 pm  
Bedroom…beneath my bed_

Don't get your invisible knickers in a twist. Crookshanks still has all of his little man-bits. I'm not _that_ un-hinged.

Let's just say, that every time that cat's beady eyes start penetrating my trousers, Crookshanks will have to suffer my wrath.

* * *

_6:19 pm  
Perched in my doorway…_

I've deducted, in all my years of wisdom, that I look most intimidating when I've holed myself up right in front of my room. I just sit here. And stare.

Mum has taken to walking by me really slowly and just watching me with her oogly eyes.

* * *

_7:34 pm  
Still in the doorway…_

Technically, I'm still in my room. So mum can't go into a mini-rage over it.

I don't even know why I'm being forced here against my will. Crookshanks is still a normally functioning cat.

Mum is just so overly dramatic these days! You'd think we were on the edge of war or something…

Oh. Shite.

* * *

_9:23 pm  
The doorway of Awesomeness…_

So after several hours the doorway is losing its appeal. My back's gone all twisty and sore. I'm not cut out for this sort of endurance.

The kind of endurance where you sit on your arse all day.

* * *

_10:49 pm  
Doorway of Excruciating Pain…_

Right. I've just awoken from a little kip.

To find that Crookshanks had plastered his little body to the side of my leg.

Is sleep not even sacred anymore?!?

Is this the kind of world, where innocent, law-following girls, are madly humped by rogue cats while they are asleep and obviously unaware, to the point where they can't even protect themselves and their innocent pants?!?!

Bloody hell!

* * *

**AUGUST 4****th**

* * *

_12:01 am  
Hallway…_

FREEDOM!

It is now the 4th, so my temporary afternoon grounding has now expired.

I'm free to roam the house as I please! It is my nighttime domain!

* * *

_12:04 am  
Bedroom…_

I'm knackered.

All of this sudden freedom has exhausted me.

Night!

* * *

**AUGUST 5th**

* * *

_9:18 pm  
Bedroom_

I think I've just had the worst day I could possibly have. Like ever.

I couldn't find you, you sodding thing, and by the time I did, I'd already wasted a healthy portion of my morning.

Then Mum comes waltzing down to the kitchen where I had set up headquarters, and tells me that I'm to spend the day with Fleur. Phlegm. I'm to help her pick out the tablecloths.

When I smartly ask Mum why she can't just help Phlegm, Mum tells me I'm being cheeky and that I should sober up and make myself useful.

Cheers, Mum.

* * *

_10:11 pm  
Doorway…surveying the scene…_

After a horrible afternoon of floral patterns and checkered prints, I had to be a slave in the kitchen as well.

I had to peel an un-God-ly amount of potatoes for the wedding in a couple of days. When I ask Mum why can't she just peel the spuds by using magic, she starts shaking her head and sighing over and over and over again.

What felt like a million hours later, I gave in and started to peel.

* * *

_10:16 pm  
Doorway…obviously_

Not to mention, that Harry, Hermione, and Ron will all be coming back tomorrow. Now I'll have to face that sleazy git. Urgh.

When I say git, I mean Harry. Of course.

* * *

_10:23 pm  
Doorway…barricading…_

Crookshanks is a little ways down the hall. He's just crossing back and forth. Watching me and my leg, that happens to be free of its usual pants restrictions.

Because I'm wearing shorts. Perv.

Anyways, I'll have to move quickly if he comes in to attack, because I have no protection against him and his…bits.

* * *

_10:25 pm  
Doorway…slowly retreating…_

It's at a time like this, that I wish I had a man to protect me and all of my extremities.

It's a harsh, harsh cats-who-molest-pants world out there.

* * *

**AUGUST 6th**

* * *

_1:09 am  
Bed…not sleeping…_

I can't bloody sleep. I'm too anxious.

You would be too if your ex-boyfriend was going to prance on in and invade your already miserable life. What will I say to him?

More importantly, what will I wear?

* * *

_3:50 am  
Bed…just awoken…_

Okay. I've gone and dreamt that I'm lying on a beach and I'm sipping a cool beverage and a hot cabana boy and his mates are spraying me with cool water.

I awake to find Crookshanks licking my face like mad with his cold and nasty tongue. Sodding twit. That cat must have a death wish.

He's gone from molesting my leg, to molesting my face. This is NOT an okay situation!

Does Crookshanks not understand the severity of my issues at the moment? I do not have the energy reserves to deal with his constant sexual-kitty-advances.

I'm a one-man-woman!

* * *

_7:11 am  
Kitchen…plotting…_

5 hours and 49 minutes to go.

But who's counting?

* * *

_10:37 am  
Loo…primping…_

I can't decide what to do with my hair. Should I put it up? Should I curl it? Should I leave it down? Should I shave it all off?

Hmmm. Only 2 hours and 23 minutes left.

I don't even know what I'm going to wear yet!

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Wait. Why am I behaving like a loon? He's just a stupid, little, mousy boy, who passed on the greatest thing that ever bloody happened to him!!!

* * *

_10:39 am  
Bedroom…rage…_

He. Must. Suffer.

* * *

_10:41 am  
Bedroom…wardrobe selection…_

I'm looking at my clothes and I've just realized that I have absolutely nothing to wear.

Where are all of my "come hither" clothes? Where have they gotten off to? I swear, mum has been through here and taken out anything that remotely resembles real clothing.

She's just trying to bring the man (i.e. ME) down.

* * *

_10:44 am  
Closet…searching…_

I need the perfect outfit if I'm going to make him pine for me. I want him to throw himself at me and beg for forgiveness.

Then we'll fall passionately to the floor and…uh…pull a Crookshanks.

* * *

_10:53 am  
Kitchen…starving…_

I could eat Buckbeak right now. That's how starved I am.

However, there is nothing to eat in this house. EVERYTHING has been deemed "untouchable until the wedding because we don't want all of our guests to starve" by mum.

Does she want her youngest to perish away while fondly staring down a nice pile of pastries?

Because, it's about to happen.

Only 2 hours and 7 minutes left.

I think I'm slowly dying.

* * *

_11:17 am  
Bedroom…digesting…_

Okay. Much better.

I stole an entire plate of desert. And I ate every last one. In my closet.

Operation Come Hither is a bust. I own nothing but ratty clothes that I've had for billions of years. I think they came with the house.

Fan-bloody-tastic.

* * *

_12:29 pm  
Under the bed…_

Oh sweet Merlin. Only 31 minutes until He gets here.

I have no idea what I could possibly say to that insufferable tiny, little man. He'll probably prance in and be miserable and make me feel absolutely crap.

Either that or he'll fanny about and try and be all heroic. And by heroic, I mean sexy.

* * *

_12:32 pm  
Bedroom floor…rolling about…_

AND the bloody wedding tomorrow! This will be the longest weekend of my entire and very impressionable life.

I'll be scarred. I can just see it now.

It'll end up being me and Crookshanks. That's who I'll be sleeping with. Not Harry, but a cat.

And the cat will be more interested in my leg, than in my feelings.

* * *

_12:36 pm  
Bedroom…worried…_

Speaking of feelings, you will HAVE to be hidden by some very powerful protection charms.

If I only knew what those protection charms actually were.

And if I knew where I've left my wand.

* * *

_12:47 pm  
Attic…Plan B…_

Okay. So this was the second best thing to powerful magic.

An old trunk. Near the ghoul.

* * *

_12:49 pm  
Attic of Powerful Stench…_

Mum's straining herself by yelling for me. Doesn't she know that I'll make an appearance when I'm good and ready?

I really need to stop writing. Wait. Why am I telling my diary that I need to stop writing in it? What in the name of Dumbledore's beard am I doing?

Just don't be found, alright?

But I don't really see the use in that considering you're a book.

And you don't speak.

And you can't move.

And I'm pretty sure you don't have a brain.

I'm leaving now. Honest.

* * *

**A/N:** Let me know if this is something you guys want to see more of!


	2. Rogue Rememberings

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter. If I did I'd be rich, British, and a hell of a lot older.

**A/N: **Good day! So here's the next bit that's been tweaked and fiddled with some more. Lots of good stuff in here! Enjoy it!!

* * *

**AUGUST 6th**

* * *

_10:56 pm  
Hall closet….NOT hiding…._

So. This is how it's going to be.

* * *

_11:01 pm  
Still in closet…still not hiding…_

Would you like to know how He, the whipping boy, and Hermione arrived??

Portkey. A bloody portkey.

How un-dramatic is that?? Honestly!

* * *

_11:06 pm  
Closet…obviously…_

Mum is in a right state. She's in such a tittering frenzy.

EVERYTHING is about the three of them. ALL the time!

* * *

_11:29 pm  
Closet…re-creating…_

Here is a completely and entirely real conversation that happened after the loons arrived:

**Me**: Mum, I'm starved. I have not eaten properly in years. Please, please, please tell me that we'll be having a proper meal at some point today.

**Mum**: ….

**Me**: Mum? Hello? It's Ginny. Your favorite. Famished. Near death.

**Mum**: Ginny? Did you say something?

**Me**: Nope. I was just standing here. Not speaking.

**Mum**: Have you seen Harry? He disappeared a few minutes ago…I better see if I can find him. He is obviously very important and needs lots of unnecessary attention. I will now begin to ignore you and only worry about the needs of other people that are especially not my children. Why don't you go up to the attic? I'm sure the ghoul would love your company.

* * *

_11:47 pm  
Bedroom…under the bed…_

See? Totally a real and un-edited conversation.

* * *

**AUGUST 7th**

* * *

_1:37 am  
Staircase…starving…_

Holy Shite! HE is definitely being an arse. That git.

* * *

_1:46 am  
Kitchen…very weak…_

I need supplements. I haven't properly had a meal in a couple of days. Before HE arrived it was because of the wedding.

Now, it's because The Chosen Git and his bumbling idiot friends (minus Hermione), have come 'round.

* * *

_1:47 am  
Kitchen…laying on the floor…_

Oh, and the wedding is today.

Merlin, kill me now.

* * *

_2:04 am  
Same bloody place…_

I must compliment you on your hiding skills. You did a fine job, my chap, a fine job.

In a year's time when I glance back at my bloody useless summer, I want to be able to remember all the countless sufferings that took place.

* * *

_2:07 am  
Cold floor…_

Anyways, back to my very dramatic story…

They just popped right in and made the rounds. I thought Mum was going to piddle with excitement.

I just kind of waved, grunted, and then made a beeline for the stairs where I preceded to fly up them. Well, not literally but you get my bloody point. I then locked myself in the loo.

For four hours.

I think everyone had a nice laugh about it when I finally came down.

I'm glad I can be the comic relief in times of my own turmoil.

* * *

_2:23 am  
Floor…alone…_

I honestly believe that tonight will only end in shambles.

The shambliest of shambles.

* * *

_2:25 am  
Stairs…lovely spot…_

I'm taking a leaf out of Crookshanks' book.

NOT the rogue leg humping, but just sitting here on the stairs.

I just happen to be sitting on stairs located very close to Ron's room.

* * *

_2:31 am  
Still on the steps…_

I'm not lurking or anything.

I just very much care for the well being of my idiot brother and his infantile best mate.

* * *

_2:46 am  
Stairs…near death…_

For the love of Merlin's beard!

I've nearly been trampled to death! Honestly!

* * *

_2:57 am  
Loo….safe at last…_

So. I was just minding my own business, having a nice rest in the stairwell, when a giant troll came blundering out of Ron's room in a mad state of panic.

If it hadn't been for my exceptional reflexes, I would've been all crushed up by it's very large foot.

* * *

_2:59 am  
Loo…safety…_

Also, by troll, I mean Ron.

* * *

_3:02 am  
Loo…still safe…_

He moaned on and on for decades.

I blocked everything out. There's no use in listening to what Ron blusters on about.

Well, everything is just crap now. I've been banned from the hallway from Ron.

* * *

_3:06 am  
Loo…_

He's serious too. He attempted to put shields up. To keep rouge and dangerous wizards away, the ones who obviously have death wishes for the three of them.

Or, you know, me.

* * *

_4:41 am  
Loo…hiding_

Sadly, there are far more horribly hideous things happening. There are so many people in this bloody house it's not even funny.

I'm sharing my room with Hermione, my mum, and Gabrielle---Fleur's haughty younger mini-me.

My mum is staying in my room because her and my dad had to give up their bed to Auntie Muriel and her "friend".

Dad's bunking with He, Ron , Fred, and George. It's like a mad circus around here.

Relatives are coming out of the woodworks. Quite literally.

* * *

_4:55 am  
Loo…safely hiding…_

My Uncle Alastor flew right threw the kitchen wall when he lost control of his new broomstick.

I had quite a laugh.

* * *

_10:57 am  
Loo…freshly awoken…_

Merlin's crackers.

Finally fell asleep last night. On the loo floor. Had to use a musty towel as a pillow.

Lovely.

* * *

_11:39 am  
Stairs…_

Finally. Some momentary silence.

Everyone is too busy running about doing mad things.

It's just a wedding! I don't know why everybody is running around with their knickers' in a twist.

* * *

_12:03 pm  
Attic…only sane place left…_

Well, it's finally happened. Mum shunned me to the attic, because she said I was taking up too much space on the stairs.

I highly doubt that.

And Harry keeps looking at me, whenever he comes out of his secret lair of secrets. In a creepy, "I'm looking at you" kind of way.

All three of them have been holed up in Ron's room hiding ALL day.

I know for a fact, because I had a bit of an eavesdrop on them on my way to the attic.

* * *

_12:11 pm  
Attic...almost time now…_

Hermione must've put some REAL wards on Ron's room.

Because I couldn't hear anything. Or curse it. Or use extendable ears on it. Or get anywhere closer than 2 meters.

* * *

_12:24 pm  
Loo…dressing…_

Just realized not long ago, that I needed to put proper clothes on for today's festivities.

I can't stand up in from of my family, mates, and Harry in nothing but my knickers!

Well, Harry…NO!

MUST PUT CLOTHES ON!

* * *

_12:37 pm  
Loo…panicking_

Fuck.

It looks like a giant ball of gold fluff exploded all over me. I'm a ball of exploding fluff.

Fuck.

I don't know if I can squeeze through the door.

However, all of this extra material will be used as a very excellent safety barrier. From Crookshanks. And his...habit.

* * *

_1:09 pm  
Room….exhausted_

Yelling for help can really take it out of a girl. I yelled for like a billion years, and then someone finally came round to see what all the fuss was about. You'd think with all the people rolling about, SOMEBODY would've heard.

* * *

_1:13 pm  
Room…re-grouping…_

Harry! He saw me in my God-awful exploding fluff ball. In all it's fluffy gold glory.

Why couldn't he have caught me in my knickers! That would've been far less traumatic!!

* * *

_1:18 pm  
Room…resting…_

Anyway, he had a good laugh before he sobered up and pulled me from between the door.

Then the "The Chosen Git" just kind of stared at me. In a thinking kind of way. Which made me think.

And because I was thinking, I got distracted. And then I was all by myself.

Alone.

* * *

_1:22 pm  
Room…preparing…_

Unless you count the gold fluff that encompassed half of the hallway and a large portion of the bathroom, hall closet, Bill's old room, and about ¾ of the stairs.

* * *

_1:28 pm  
Room…stressed…_

The wedding starts in less than an hour. I can't believe I have to be a bridesmaid.

Moreover, I can't believe Fleur picked out this dress.

Or that it's gold.

And fluffy.

And could be hiding very mysterious things, that won't be located for months.

* * *

_1:35 pm  
Room…genius idea…_

I've decided, since I have to cart this very large dress with me all night, I might as well put it to good use!!

Diary, you are coming with me! You'll be hidden in the folds of my dress, until I deem it an appropriate time to extract you from the depths of fluff you'll be buried in.

This ought to be interesting.

* * *

**A/N:** That's right! BONUS CHAPTER! This next one will be entirely new and filled with lots of great stuff! Thanks for all of the great reviews!


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